Saturday I realized I'm still avoiding looking like a tourist
Sunday I remembered that this life isn't where I belong
And Monday I couldn't face the world in honesty
my soul is aching watching my mind tear my heart out of its cage shaking my body
air escapes my lungs before i can to scream "WHY CAN'T YOU ALL JUST GET ALONG?"
nothing but gasps and sobs can leave my trembling lips
I like to dream that I'm not alone..
that others are trying to stitch their minds, hearts, bodies, and spirits together
believing that one day they won't try to destroy each other
one day they'll come together like the Virginia Titans
and shine and thrive and smile and heal
together.
but my hands grip my sides
and my mind runs through shadows
while my heart looks everywhere for a hug
and my soul silently hides in the corner, not sure of where to go, or how to help
I believe that one day the pieces will fit
that my heart will hug the roots of hurt in my mind
and my soul inside my body will shine
and thrive
and smile the widest smile, putting every kindergartner's first-day grin to shame
and my soul and body and mind and heart
will be friends
because they'll have healed
together.
so until then
I will be a tourist in my own mind
learning something new every day
discovering the beauty of the lost cities in my memories
taking pictures of each corner
remembering the hurt
and remembering the triumphs of each year in this place my soul calls home
and I'll call it my home
and see it as a beautiful and inspiring history
and I'll no longer pretend I'm not a tourist
and I'll belong
and I'll face the world with my scars and shaking fingers and a beating, battered heart
and I'll shine.
but my mind isn't getting along with my body and my soul believes they are both far too weak to keep us going through everything we're facing
so we wait another day
cry another day
lie here
just one
more
day
...
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