broken is only temporary

listen to my rhythm

don't forget there's only one key to me

broken is only temporary

~JQP

hopeless romantic

i read too many books
books with angsty teenagers
and single parents
books with unreasonable relationships

but what i cant seem to get in my head, is..
ITS NOT REAL!!
i've honestly tried pounding it in there
got myself a couple broken hearts
hit my head into a wall (not on purpose mind you)
screamed and cried into my pillow for nights on end

yet i still believe in romances like Jamie and Landon
like Augustus and Hazel Grace
like Katniss and Peeta
like Katie and Alex

and somehow it won't get through my thick skull that it cant
WONT
happen to me

#hopelessromanticlife

lets just embrace this for a second
you know those days
when you see the person you like
and your heart stops..
then barges full speed ahead

that is a book moment

you know when your reading a book
and you've replaced the main character with you
and the love interest with your crush
and then they kiss
and you just die

that is a good moment

you know that moment
when you know he's there
but you won't look at him
because you know he's staring

that is a book moment

you know that moment
when one of your hopeless romantic dreams happens in real life
and they ask you out
and you just sit there
content in life

that is life

sometimes,
just sometimes,
being a hopeless romantic pays off

i want to take you someplace

you tried to walk back to me but you weren't strong enough.

you collapsed and let the water flow from your eyes

it still hasn't stopped flowing

even now that i brought you home

even now when we've made you smile

even now that we've all embraced you

found unwanted help for you..

but all you ever wanted was him

..i want to take you someplace

please

take my hand

and trust me;

we're going on an adventure

let me take you to the park

with the fenced off reservoir and the lines of too tall trees

the one we didn't always avoid

let me remind you that it made us stronger in the worst way

let me remind you of the smiles that live on the soft breeze

next, let me take you to the swings

the place where too many memories invade your mind

let me remind you what you gained from the good times

let it set in that they indeed ended

but they will not discontinue

remember that you can see the sunrise sooner when enjoying the height of your swing

but also remember the the sun still rises when you remain at the bottom

then let's drive through the twists and turns of our summer home with the windows down

with the breezes, bugs and leaves flying past the window

let's slide down the frozen rocks and swim in the lake as if it were summer again

let's camp on the river side before the bend and dance around the fire till we can no longer stand

and when we lie down to watch the sparkling night

look around

see the dimly lit faces around us

see your sister who's out serving

see your brother who's still learning

your parents whose eyes are only filled with love and fear that they will lose you

and please turn your head my way darling

please don't forget me

I don't ever want to lose YOU

..ever..

maybe i'm not yours, but your my best friend

you've kept me smiling from being friendless in preschool

to feeling alone in elementary school

even till today

when all i need is some love

i love you dear

i love you more than anything

and i know your hurting

and i know its all surreal

but please

darling, please promise me

let me take you someplace

anyplace you want

and hold my hand

hold it tight

please don't let go

I can't lose you too..

~JQP

the day we saw Nelson cry

Most of us came to school sober
not all
Most of us read the posts
but not all..because sometimes it hurts to cry

It was cold today. And it snowed last night.
But that's not why my skin was paled by goosebumps
Why my hands couldn't stop shaking



Last night words like 'passed on' and 'better place' 
echoed through the streets of paris
But they resonated someplace else
they resonated in the fasts of every Mormon
in the hearts of every mother
in the halls of the seminary
in the sticky notes that cover your lockers
in the message that he read aloud in class

the one that not even he could read straight through..
The tears fell out of his eyes, involuntarily, as water glossed my own
we could all feel it
the jock from the back of the classroom with the box of tissues..
we felt that too
yet the drops had already soiled his paper

no one knew what to say
....no one knew what to say
We logged on our computers with weights in our stomachs
no one wanted to say it
I wanted to go over and hug him 
I wanted things to be okay..

But students don't hug their teachers



Silence was the invader who took over Lone Peak

his twitter gave too many hints 
....but it wasn't obvious to any of us..
he is a good kid
a gentleman
He made even my little sister smile when he called her pretty
That last day that he walked these halls
I want to tell him thank you.

but he's gone..
And I know I shouldn't dwell on this
I didn't even know him 
But I knew a few things

His heart was good..no
His heart is good.

that won't be forgotten.


The tears come down in streams as I drive
I drive past the high school
I drive past the cemetery
there's a van there now...
I wonder..

The tears keep steaming

they pool under my chin
they stain the pages of my notebook 

I don't really have best friends to turn to right now
Its hard to explain.
and i don't want to go home 
and I'm sitting here in my car
I'm trying to find hope

and I didn't want to make this sad


But its far too late for that.

We felt him there at school today
and our hearts broke
And please don't lose hope
And please, if you have- don't give up
But if you've done that
Just come here, love.
let me hold you in my arms
Because I won't let you go.
Because I need someone's arms around me too
and as for the unnamed tragedy

I wrote you a note:

Dear SUICIDE,

i  hate  you.  i  hate  that

you  took  my  brother away.

i  hate  that you  took  her

cousin  away.  i  hate  that

you took her uncle as  well.

but most  of all i hate that

you  have such a long  list 

of  almosts. that you almost

took two of my best friends.

my little sister. myself....

that's all

Sincerely~ JANE

and as for Nelson, 

and all the people who had the courage to come to school today,

even through your tears.

you have my love.

you have my heart.

I know that i have always been a closet crier

but you have shown me that

sometimes

its better to cry where its makes you completely vulnerable

when even though you feel alone

you quickly learn you're not the only one

who cares.

~JQP

can you feel the thunder?

Hey :)

How are you?

I hope good.

No? Anything I can do for you?

Hmm...

You remind me of him

He is someone who loves

Me

But I don't know if he really understands

How much I want to help.

How much I really care.

It throws me back to the first time 

The first time I felt you there

We both look stupid, being here

Not knowing the other

Not knowing ourselves

Not realizing where we are

There's a feeling in the air tonight

The birds aren't flying

The winds not blowing

The the air cuts my breath like ice

But there's warmth.

Warmth in the sun rolling over the mountain

Warmth in the quiet smile you gave me

Even in the dissuading, approaching storm

Do you see it? Can you feel it?

I know you hear me

You show it in your eyes

Those eyes that lead me

And then it starts to rain.

Do you like the rain?

I hope so

Because the rain is my haven

The rain hides my tears

The rain gave me laughter

The rain gave me dance

The rain took my fears

But the rain doesn't touch us

The rain stays away

Circling us

But never to cleanse our skin

The storm was forbidden to touch

It wasn't meant to see my heart

Because that was the first

And last time you would see it

Because you're gone

Gone far far far away

And somehow I took my heart with me

I took it and I drove away too

But I want the storm back

I want it far more than you know

..You wanted me more than anyone 

But you left me like I was nothing

You didn't put up a fight

You never texted back

You never replied to the seen messages on Facebook

And I don't understand why

Because you had me convinced that you cared

That you wanted to help

That I was beautiful

And that you felt the thunder.

But I guess that was only me

Its only ever me

But the rain is still drizzling

And the clouds still surround me

But my tears aren't hidden.

And its clear to see you never felt it.

Because you only ever saw the exotic lightning 

You only listened halfheartedly

And when the storm left your view

You even forgot that.

And you remind me of him

....and I just wish he understood when I asked him

"can you feel the thunder?" 

because maybe, just maybe, he would answer yes.

But  I doubt it.

I can feel the fear in his eyes

when he looks at me

....Because neither of us want a broken heart.
But I promise, I'll do my best not to break yours
and i'm just as scared as you are;
if not more..
But one things for sure,
Now that you're here and you're reading this

If you're actually listening,
You'll feel the thunder.
And even if you drive away
You'll remember.

~JQP

'TILL DEATH DO WE PART

"Mawwiage is what brings us

Together today"

I still believe in it
Love I mean

I still have faith
That a man and a woman
Can and will stay faithful
That looking into someones eyes
Can make one lose themselves
For hours and hours
And hours

I still believe in gentlemen
That respect is still alive
That opening a door and pulling out a chair
Isn't extinct

I still believe in courage
Courage to ask her on a date
Courage to take his hand
Courage to close the space between your lips and mine


I still believe in butterflies
The ones that died within me when he left
The ones that broke out of their cocoon
When you walked into the room
The ones that want to fly away
When my heart beats faster than their wings
When you brush my skin
When you smile at me

I still believe in friendship
That my best friend is someone I can trust
That a best friend is the one to marry
That best friends really do last forever

I still believe in promises
That one day HE will make me one
And more than that
That HE will keep it
That he will place the ring on my finger
And tell me he'll love ME
Forever and Always

And even if the preacher and the people say
'TILL DEATH DO YOU PART
I know that when we pass on
And our souls are just breezes over the sea
That we will find each other 
And it will feel familiar
And you'll ask me to dance
And you'll spin me around
Because death could't part us
Because not even mother nature could stop our storm

~JQP

when did blogs become so addictive?

I'm very very very very very very behind in my personal scripture study. And I love reading my scriptures (yeah I know that's weird but I don't care). Yet I've found myself everyday checking the blogs to see if Hancock posted early or if Charli Davis has anything funny or if Navy Skye did any extra posts.... I literally read too many blogs. And I know I should make a list of the blogs I follow... I just feel like it would be overwhelming for me to look at...

Seriously. Your blog it's my drug. Please don't make me quit by not supplying it after this class is over......

But I guess that would be good for me.

When did blogs become so addicting?



~JQP