the past shining down

have you ever seen the night sky?

really seen it?

have you ever just looked up..

and thought the universe was impossible?

that the gods only painted that picture in our minds?

i lie on my back and look at the past shining down

most of these stars have probably retired their lights

moved on beyond my eyes

but still i bask in their light

the past in the present

the beauty makes me wonder

the past brings a mystery

i wonder if the stars ever thought their light would live to see me now

maybe they know whats ahead, or maybe they're just as lost as me..

there are billions of starts up there. i wonder which remain

gazing up, my eyes are reaching the stars

i feel the weight of their light rest on me. 
seeing me

and somehow.. i trust it

oh, the secrets i've left with those stars

i lie on my back and look at the past shining down

i've trusted their light with my future.

and here i remain.

to receive their present.

~JQP

I guess I wasn't ready

I thought I was ready for this..

But I know now that I'm not
On my mark. 

I walked in with confidence.
Get set.

I knew I could do it. I've done it all before.
Whoa....

The blank page in front of me..

It intimidates..

I thought I knew what I was doing

But now I'm scared of what you might think..

I'm already saying too much

But I have to commit..
On your mark. 

I created you..yet you scare me

I made you up to be everything I wanted

Everything I thought could impress..

And now I gaze upward at the expectations you've set for me..

your maker..

"A blank piece of paper is God's 

way of telling us how hard it to be God." 

Sidney Sheldon

I feel as if I am beneath you

I want to run, get away. 
But here I am.
Get set. 

..I won't know who you are

You who searches to know me.

Me, who's trusting you blindly

Me, whom you don't even know my name.

But I made this. 

Created this.

Although I'm scared to finish..

I'll do it.
Go. 

For now, I'm Jane.

Jane Q. Porter.

The girl perceived as peculiar.

The girl who holds her head high even when her heart is broken.

The girl who holds back words simply because, its polite.

The girl who's words hold you back.

The girl who fights hard for others.

The girl who lost herself.

The girl you think is beautiful, kind and considerate.

The girl who is too religious, too fragile.

And I'm the girl, you already forgot. 

~JQP