I'll see you later, okay?

Hi

I miss you

I know we only ever talked at school..
But it still hurts..

Your smile really made my day.. And seeing it all over Facebook and knowing I won't see it for a long time.. It tears me apart

I'm sorry I don't have good words..

I can't find the right ones to say.. And even if I knew what to say.. I don't know how I'd say it..

Everyone is going back to routine now..

I can't

I love you. Still. Forever.

Please don't lose your smile..
And I say that to all of you
Remember that you're real
You are loved and make others lives better..
Don't forget that you make a difference
Depressed or not
You do.

Im falling apart.. But mostly for his mom..
And his little brother..
And for Amy..
And Celeste
And Rachel and Nicole and Brendon..
All of them
All of you..

I won't say I'm sorry, because I know how it hurts..
But I will remember him.. Because he saved lives by living..
And he's home now
And I hope he was welcomed with a hug..

I don't know how to say what I want to..
I'll never forget when I first met him in 6th grade
Or how I called him by his old nick name in history and he laughed because he hadn't heard it since elementary school
I'll never forget studying together
Or how he made us all smile
I'll never forget the last time I saw him
Laughing during lunch with Celeste
I told them they were the cutest..
I'll never forget his laughter..

Terik.. Thank you for everything
For being you
For being kind
For loving so many

I'll see you later, okay?
Good luck..

Rest in peace ❤

~Andra

we keep playing games

look, Hi

I'm depressed.

yeah....

..Hey could you maybe....

just listen to me for a sec..

hey smile- its okay

I'm alright

what's bothering you?

please get out of my head

2:53 am

and i'm still thinking about you

everything

how your lips curve into a smile

how your glasses hide the bags under your eyes

how your shirts always have a collar

how your arms held me friday night..

 

4:38 is cheering us on and 9:27 is taking me out of the equation.

 

they say y = mx + b

but once you take out b we'll never find an explained why

and i don't know how to say this

but i'm starting to wonder if x exists

 

i'm telling you now,

i don't know what to do with love!!

do you put it in a corner?

how often do you feed it?

what kind did you get me?

will it bite me just as i begin to trust it?

will it lie next to me, snuggling close when i cry at night?

or maybe

it will run away and never be found-- no matter how many hopeless flyers i hang around the city..

 

 

 

10:57 is keeping me here and i know you found hope in 11:03

but darling the lyrics to our song are past tense and i can't seem to get the lyricist to change that

 

its 3 am and your still wandering the corners of my mind and i want you to keep exploring- but please, stay away from the chambers of my heart.

 

there are ink stains and endless sheets of unfinished music

and overheated rooms

and i don't want you to see your picture tucked inside my favorite book's cover..

 

i know you only mean well

but my thumbs were trained to hide my heart by the naive young girl who peers at you behind my eyes

you've probably seen her while traveling my left brain

she's busy sending troops down to my chest,

blocking all feeling from logic

staring my heart right in the eyes- telling it to get back in line

 

 

but don't worry

its 3:17 and my heart is in complete retaliation

its gathering the troops and sending them straight to my tongue in hopes to free it from the grip of my fears

 

and when it wins

i want you to be there

you'll hear me

when my feelings pour out of my chest into the wings of the butterflies

into the clouds of my mind

when the rain washes away the doubts

you'll hear me

 

please hear me

 

 

its 1:08 am and your running in circles trying to understand my labyrinth

but i'm tiring from empty tear ducts

and i think i'm going to rest awhile.

 

 

~JQP 

as for my un-tuned guitar

Someone save me

I'm drowning and all I want is a glimpse of life
It's been so long since the sun's seen my face
And I'm deeper than heartache in this bottomless ocean

Im crying and it feels like laughter
But only because I can't feel the tears running down my cheeks

My endless cries water the already dead trees that embrace your name time after time after time 
after time
And I know these pages won't grow on you, but I cry on them anyway

I know how much you hate it when I give advice
I know you don't like it when I care
I know you didn't want me to hug you for so long-but it stopped your tears, love
And I really hate seeing you cry

You keep telling me to open up
But I can't possibly show you my breaks when you're slipping through unending cracks


I really miss dancing in your basement
And laughing till sunrise
And the simple problems we couldn't forget



Yet now I can't seem to remember how the hourglass slipped out of my hands and hit the floor 

My heart dropped as expired time lay my memories out across the ground becoming more and more hesitant to climb up from my stomach into place with nostalgia
Hopelessness caresses my cheek as I quickly reach for the pieces of time to fit them back together

My scars reopen brushing diamond shards, filling with sand; surging pain through my blood
Shocking my heart---- finding just the right pulse to return it to the nerves that felt the electricity of your touch


You beg me to stand
You offer your hand
I don't understand.

You left me..
So why'd you come back?
To laugh at my hands stained in black from our memories?
To watch me slip on the ice you preserved them in?

You call out to me but all I hear are my screams
I sound pitiful and helpless yet I still don't take your hand
And don't expect me to

They think I'm okay
Stop looking at me as if I'm perfectly alright!
Im not!
Its all a façade
But you don't see it

I know you care
But he doesn't
And she can't even see it


But I do

And I know I'm in trouble


Im lost in the seas I've created at night
I beat myself up in ways you've never tried
I know I need help but I'm engulfed in the winds scattering diamonds in the sand


Maybe you don't see it yet
But this isn't about you
And it's not about him
And don't think it's about her


It's about me.

Not just the girl who grew up alone
Or the one who comments on your blog
Or the girl who tends to listen to your problems rather than solve her own
Its about the girl who's falling in love
And not just with a boy but with the sky
The girl who needs a longer-than-ten-seconds hug
The girl who's screaming inside but just let's the tears fall when you tell her she's done it all wrong.


Im lying on the floor and I know you want me to get up
But.. do me a favor?

There's a guitar leaned up against reality in my room
The strings are a little rusty and it's a bit out of tune
It's covered in dust from sitting there so long
But I'm going to play it
Im going to play it until my fingers bleed
Because I've come to see reality won't come out of tuned melodies





~AA