Summer was losing a best friend and never using aloe to cool the burns.
It was swimming pools filled with lies and hopeless believing.
Summer was dancing in the rain alone because you promised to come over
Summer was naive
But summer knew better
Fall was running into walls and headache filled nights.
It was jumping off the bridge holding hands and you letting go.
It was stupid choices and simple ignorance
Fall was stubborn hearts and pale blue eyes
It was falling for it, every time.
Winter is car rides with the windows down and smoke trails behind us.
Is late night calls and super heroes who lost their capes last month.
Winter is broken promises and revealed lies and cracking ice beneath our feet.
It's reopening scars and taking ice packs for granted.
Winter is the ice plunge when everyone else is sitting by the fire.
Spring will be no expectations.
It won't trust the light because it hurts spring's eyes and the ground hog was always happier when he woke up to a cloudy day.
Spring will be the mosaic of broken light that sings through the trees leaves into the empty shade because that's where winter left off.
It will be overused umbrellas who can no longer stop the weather from hitting the grass below.
Because spring can't forget winter and doesn't want summer to wipe away the truth.
Spring won't be ready
But spring will fall through.
Just like it does every year
Because spring will give in to starting over
And summer will make spring feel safe
Even though spring never trusted summer's light
Because mother nature won't let the seasons linger
But she'll always remind us
Because darling, the seasons are changing
And they'll never stop giving in
~AA
Someone stop me
The whistle blew 24 hrs ago and I'm still awe struck
I'm about to take a step
A step into the real world
Where there are real words
Real people
Real talk
.... real talk
This is my chance
I don't want to lie in this fake paradise anymore
And I'm excited and happy
And straight out terrified
But this is me.
Hi, my name is AndraLee Allen.
For those of you who don't know me, the first thing that people notice about me is that I'm tall. Too tall for my liking, but it comes in handy. I love acting, singing, dancing, sports, people watching, reading, helping others, friends, long drives alone--but mostly I enjoy writing. It's my escape. my haven. I love how simple sentences can transform into streams that live inside ones heart.
If you really knew me you'd know that I still sleep with a teddy bear, not because I need it, but because it's something I can hold on to.
If you really knew me you'd know that I lack in self confidence, but I am always selfless; even when it costs me.
If you really know me you'd know I can't hate people. Believe me, I've tried.
If you really knew me you'd know I can't just put three dots, there needs to be either two, four, or more. Mama Mia ruined the dot dot dot effect.
If you really knew me you'd know that I don't like hiding behind Jane Q. Porter, but she stands taller than I ever have, she kept me safe.
But darling, this is the year of no mistakes, and I'm not perfect. So take me or leave me, because this is me. And that's not gonna change.
And I want to thank you.
You who read my blog
You who left a comment
You who didn't leave a comment
You who wrote your hearts out
You tourists
You residents
You.
I hope you know I read your blog, and I loved every minute of it.
The streets of Paris are home to me, and I don't plan on leaving them behind. So I hope you stay awhile longer dear, and if not; thank you for your inspiration.
And one last thank you
Thank you Nelson
For actually wanting us to be ourselves
For giving us Paris
For everything.
Sincerely,
The girl who just joined the real world
~JQP
~AA
My mouth hurts
From telling you I love you so many times
From shouting your name throughout the chambers in my heart
From sleepless night after sleepless night
Convincing myself I would be okay without you
But you're still here
You've tucked me in bed wrapped, snug in surrender
And I've given my all.
And you've given up.
And my body aches
Engulfed in your quilt of lies.
And darling, I hate every moment
But I still love you
I've spent every waking hour
Thinking through speeches
Thinking I'll leave
But your tears soil the blueprints through the phone
And all I'm left with is a broken pencil
And your soggy old quilt
And I don't know why
But I don't seem to mind
Maybe I'm stupid
Maybe I've lost my mind
But dear, i didn't lose my heart
I know because I remember trusting it in your hands
Last December
When the only sounds were falling snow and waterfalls
When you sat too far away
Yet were too close for comfort
And darling, I know you still have it
Tucked away at the bottom of your contact list
For safe keeping
Just in case a bad day comes around
But dear, my mouth hurts
And I lost my voice in the dark last night
And maybe staying is stupid
And maybe you'll never call again
But I'm still here
Tucked away below you
Because you always seem to remember me
When down is how you feel
And you've given up
Don't ask me why I remain
Because I don't recall
And really all I know
Is I still love you.
Still
Even while looking through your white mask of lies and manipulation
~JQP
I remember feeling on top of the world, because our soccer team was undefeated and you were my best friend.
I remember being the odd one because i was the only Mormon in kindergarten.
I remember Scott and me getting baptized on the same day and how Jillian didn't show up.... I'm not quite sure what ever happened to her..
I remember my best friend leaving me for the cool kids..
I remember my new best friend that still grows in my old backyard beside the pale blue shed that grandpa built when he still remembered my name.
I can't remember when you told me we had to move, but I remember the lies you told me about why..
I remember the purple journal with the cartoons on the front, it was the first time i actually wrote down the poetry in my head. I was 8.
I remember we moved in April, and mom giving us both Easter bunnies. mine was pink. I named it bunny.
I remember hiding behind my mommy's leg when we met.
I remember the endless summer days of playing with bobble heads in the dirt.
I remember the heat and my first concussion and you telling me to man up.
I remember 5th grade and having the biggest crush on Mika Kujanpaa.
I remember playing night games and sitting on the tramp.
I remember his face going bright red and the sound of his voice being higher than mine.
I remember being so embarrassed that I stopped talking in class.
I remember the best climbing tree on the bank of the river
I remember slowly forgetting you in it's branches when you moved away to Arizona.
I remember hiding from the bullies in the bushes.
I remember that they left us alone because we gave them army men.
I remember my 8th grade crush on the unsuspecting 9th grader.
I remember him being my first date sophomore year and dancing till our feet went numb.
I remember the suit he wore and how his lips felt on my cheek. On my forehead. On my hair.
I remember how proud he was of the songs he'd play on piano and how we talked in British accents all night.
I remember being his friend.. I should really write him..
I remember 42 and how beautiful she was. How she made me hate the nicest boy in the school.
I remember how she went to Lehi and me and that boy became best friends.
I remember wishing on the same star every night for the boy from Orem to just remember my name..
I remember crying until i couldn't breathe and calling up my best friend because I wasn't sure what else I could do..
I remember 2013 for being the year I still wish never happened.
I remember the beginnings of me and how I wasn't sure who I was and then how I knew exactly who I was and now when I just wish I knew who I wanted to be.
I remember why I forgot.
~JQP
