maybe I'm stupid

My mouth hurts
From telling you I love you so many times
From shouting your name throughout the chambers in my heart
From sleepless night after sleepless night
Convincing myself I would be okay without you
But you're still here
You've tucked me in bed wrapped, snug in surrender
And I've given my all.
And you've given up.
And my body aches 
Engulfed in your quilt of lies.
And darling, I hate every moment
But I still love you

I've spent every waking hour
Thinking through speeches
Thinking I'll leave
But your tears soil the blueprints through the phone
And all I'm left with is a broken pencil
And your soggy old quilt
And I don't know why
But I don't seem to mind

Maybe I'm stupid
Maybe I've lost my mind
But dear, i didn't lose my heart
I know because I remember trusting it in your hands
Last December
When the only sounds were falling snow and waterfalls
When you sat too far away
Yet were too close for comfort
And darling, I know you still have it
Tucked away at the bottom of your contact list
For safe keeping
Just in case a bad day comes around

But dear, my mouth hurts
And I lost my voice in the dark last night
And maybe staying is stupid
And maybe you'll never call again
But I'm still here
Tucked away below you
Because you always seem to remember me
When down is how you feel
And you've given up

Don't ask me why I remain
Because I don't recall
And really all I know
Is I still love you.
Still
Even while looking through your white mask of lies and manipulation 

~JQP