A first love

If he was the first to hold you
Is that supposed to mean something?
The first one who told you he loved you
The first one to kiss your lips and feel the need to be closer than space would allow

When he says goodbye
How long is it supposed to hurt?
When he finds another love
When he slow dances with her while you stand in the corner
When he falls to one knee and offers her the ring that once filled your dreams

It's a moment that I never wished to live
It's a nightmare that fills her every daydream
It's reality that as of December 5th exists

Break. I dare you to break one more time heart, in the name of Gilbert Michael Burns. JUST BREAK.

Send lightening down the middle and create a generic crack straight through
Shatter into a million pieces and erode away as dust
Let the wind scatter the ashes of what used to be
And don't come back

Please don't come back.

I spread my secrets thin, never all at once
Never all in the same place
I don't want to hand my heart to anyone

Not anyone at all

My mind repeatedly runs into wall after wall after wall
Welcoming the pain of never ending misunderstandings
I try to trust and open up
I don't know how

Not after you left after begging me to stay
Not after you walked her to our bench and stopped asking me "how was your day?"
Not after you told me it was right for us to have drifted apart
Not after the day she told me he held a ring and she held his heart

He was my first love
And probably my last love
As long as my heart breaks and scatters and keeps it's promises to keep to itself.

-aa