A tourist in Paris

I was thinking
And I haven't visited as often as I used to
And I realized why

This used to be my way of pretending there was someone listening

And when I don't feel heard
Or I can't seem to express myself

I come here

I sit beneath a shadow of thoughts
Lie in the grass of disexpression
Lean on the tree of imaginary friends
And I share my heart
Expressing it to the wind where human hands cannot grasp it
And thieving words cannot phase it
Broken souls cannot shake it

And beating hearts cannot hold it

I know this is an escape, but maybe I've been using it for the wrong reasons. And maybe its time that I allow my heart into the real world again
With cold, red ears to listen
And trembling hands to hold
Scraped knees to kneel beside me
And a broken heart to heal my own

I realize I want to run
And keep to myself
But my heart won't live long here in Paris
And I need to come home

~JQP

first car crash

One look down to figure out where I am
I look back up and it's too late
The light all too suddenly red and traffic already headed the other way
But before my foot
                               finds
          the
                       break..

      I M P A C T
the front of my car takes the blow although appears to be fine
The car still runs, but I know there's so much more that must be wrong..

I wonder about the other car

I believe there was a family inside

I think I saw a mother, and I can almost hear her silent prayer that her little boy is okay

My body wracks with adrenaline
I'm not hurt, I don't think, but soon the soreness tickles every inch of me to remind me of the collision

My car is examined and declared totaled upon arrival
                 the front smashed in,
                            the radiator busted..

"There's no use in repairing it when the repairs are more than what the car is worth" my dad says as he wipes grease from his hands and stands with his hands on his hips in a way only dad's can really do

I feel so stupid for even trying to drive the car;
I only had received my licence two weeks prior and now I've completely totalled a vehicle

I don't trust myself to drive
And I don't want to go to work
And I really don't want to know how bad the other car must be

But I do..

The other car drove away with minor scratches and an eye out for inattentive drivers
I still go to work, even tho I'm late
And I'll be driving myself home tonight, whether I like it or not..

Because in the end, it may have left me shaken, but life won't let me give up that easy

And I know you think this story is about my first totalled car
And I thought it was, too

But it turns out it was about a simple boy who captured my heart in his eyes
But who was driving the other direction all along
And when I looked down for just a second to figure out where I was, we crashed

And when we stepped away

He was okay

And I was left to find another ride home

But I remember my conclusion; life didn't let me give up that easy
Even though I broke down on the side of the road with no hero willing to drive me home, I didn't throw in the towel
Even when every muscle ached, I went and worked
Even when the other driver walked away with a mere scratch on their car and I walked away with a ticket, I smiled and said I was grateful that it wasn't worse

And I am
And I won't
So I'm good

Because I realize that I don't have to be okay to not give up
I just have to keep moving forward with all I have left

So thank God for 17 year old car crashes and 22 year old break ups and remembering that although the car wasn't worth saving, it was worth remembering

And one day I'll look back and not mind if it still hurts
Because I've come to know it's supposed to hurt

That's how I know it meant something

~AA