mail to 270 s 200 e

oh someone, Please write me a love letter 

paint me a picture of my mind

illustrate the thoughts that pouR off my tongue into the sky lifting souls to the stars

feather in beauty and sadness from the deep sulci entangling each lobe like lace

tell me stories of days you find me dancing doing dishes and singing songs to myself

tell me how you notice the moments when i cry, head bowed, staring into the two lakes i create

tell me i'm the main character, describe who she is and why you think the plot armor is strong enough to save her from her demons

remind me yOu see me

and not just the "andra is always a good friend and does her best and lifts others"

let me know you see the "andra can't seem to wake up on time and is always running late, she doesn't seem to go to classes and is very behind in school and she isn't kind to herself and seems to have stopped believing in her ability to reach her dreams.. i don't think she's okay"

oh please tell me that the girl you fell in loVe with is still in here somewhere..

and if you could

please invite her to be a part of the mess that i am now

oh someone

please write me a love letter

write it to remind my mind that someone could love me

and not just for the good of me

oh please tell me that the dark and the ugly are a part of your love, toO

oh please write me a love letter 

use pretty words and real events and convince my mind that it isn't aboUt someone you've dreamed up

oh please write me a love letTer 

i tried writing one myself..

oh please write me a love letter 

because i don't have the strength

oh please 

if you cannot write me a love letter

let me lie here and cry till it's over 

i wish i didn't need a love letter 

oh how i wish i simply loved me

~jqp

12 AM always made for better poems

desert eyes and a stony back call out "uncle" and beg for sleep

but my wall-street-schedule-brain clicks away

a dog snores at the base of the bed while my husband softly breathes to my right

a day alone begs to meet me on the other side of a good night's rest and I rarely look forward to it

my mind is a maze of my disorder's contradictions

if you go straight remember to be sad that you're alone

turn left? reach out to friends but DO NOT make plans-- This would be a dead-end because you will not follow through and in turn, will feel worse

take a right! hang out with friends but remember anxiety attacks will precede and follow such an event 

don't bother trying to jump the walls, there are a billion more issues about daily tasks and reaching goals beyond social issues

I beg to be rid of the mess

I beg to be put first

I beg to be able to chase my dreams and not be stuck when I can't get myself to eat or clean

I beg to be okay while I preach to others that it's okay to not be..

and sure, maybe it is okay not to be okay, but that doesn't make it suck any less

I have so many good things ahead of me and I can't get myself to see past a lonely 10 hours on a Wednesday

so please dear universe, show me I won't fail

help me see that a life intertwined with excessive tears and shaky hands will lead to joy, too

send me a sign to remember that I still matter

that I'm still seen

that I can still be a friend, and a wife, and a sister or a daughter

remind me that I still bring good to this world and rock me to sleep showing me that rainstorms bring life and that pain instills growth and that I can still grow.. 

i can still grow

~JQP