this one's for the listeners

right now is for the lonely
for the teddy bear huggers
and the scared
for the shower singers
and the rain dancers
for all those who were left alone
and found you

today is for the lovers
for the heart broken
and the naive
for the out-all-night boy
and the love-stricken girl
for the ones who cant express themselves
yet wish to, for you

this life is for the broken
for the closet criers
and the sad
for the outraged haters
and the depressed
for those who just need a shoulder to cry on
that turn to you

my love is for the brave
For the advise givers
And understanders
For the ones who hold us
And the ones that hear us

Because you stayed

Because maybe no one really does the same for you

Because you never judged

Because you held on when I wanted to let go

Because you listen

And this is for you

Because this is for the listeners

For the ones who know how to care
And those who remember my name
For the unconditional lovers
And the ones who make time
For those who gave a shoulder to cry on
Without expecting anything in return

Because I can't seem to thank you
And I can't seem to be you
But I'm trying.
And so this is for you.

thanks for listening

especially to me

~JQP

thanks for that

i've wanted to isolate myself since 2nd period today
but to be honest i basically cried in 1st
i keep looking back to when we were happy
to when the heat was our only complaint
and the cold was a reminder of warmth
the times when we stayed up all night with the lightning
when we told each other everything and anything

 ....or at least i thought we did

those were the days when we made a pact

that we would be neighbors and always be there for each other

that we would have nice yards and big houses

that we'd always be friends..

..so much for promises

i've told you my fears and you know so much

or at least you would if you had just listened.

i know you inside and out

when you're happy, sad, angry..

when you're lying

.....sometimes i wish i didn't

it was so easy before when i was blind

when i knew that there were things you hadn't told me

but now that you swear i know it all

i've realized half the puzzle pieces are missing

i remember the days when all we did was ask each other questions

when drama was trivial and tears, minimal

i remember the days that we'd take turns echoing "i love you, sweet dreams"

now the space between us allows me to say it

but the empty air never provides the echo to my vulnerability

it hurt when the text to your abusive ex was an "i love you"

and he text to your best friend was  a "bye."

you've dropped your end of the rope on every promise we made

and have left me dragging them all alone

promises are pointless when they become one sided..

you tell me that life is too hard and i know it is

but you won't even attempt to fix it

..you won't let anyone try to fix it

I've found I lose something every time we talk:thank

interest

motivation

self worth

advise

understanding

Me.

        I hate this. I want to cry but I'm out of tears

      I want to leave but I'm full of fears

    I want to hate but I love you..

  I want to be me but you took that too

you don't care

you don't help

you make me cry

you only help yourself

Thanks for spending 2 years lying

Just to kill me in one day.

I know this is fast and I love you, but I'm sorry.. I'm too far gone to come back....

goodbye old friend

Sincerely~ me

~JQP

broken is only temporary

listen to my rhythm

don't forget there's only one key to me

broken is only temporary

~JQP

hopeless romantic

i read too many books
books with angsty teenagers
and single parents
books with unreasonable relationships

but what i cant seem to get in my head, is..
ITS NOT REAL!!
i've honestly tried pounding it in there
got myself a couple broken hearts
hit my head into a wall (not on purpose mind you)
screamed and cried into my pillow for nights on end

yet i still believe in romances like Jamie and Landon
like Augustus and Hazel Grace
like Katniss and Peeta
like Katie and Alex

and somehow it won't get through my thick skull that it cant
WONT
happen to me

#hopelessromanticlife

lets just embrace this for a second
you know those days
when you see the person you like
and your heart stops..
then barges full speed ahead

that is a book moment

you know when your reading a book
and you've replaced the main character with you
and the love interest with your crush
and then they kiss
and you just die

that is a good moment

you know that moment
when you know he's there
but you won't look at him
because you know he's staring

that is a book moment

you know that moment
when one of your hopeless romantic dreams happens in real life
and they ask you out
and you just sit there
content in life

that is life

sometimes,
just sometimes,
being a hopeless romantic pays off

i want to take you someplace

you tried to walk back to me but you weren't strong enough.

you collapsed and let the water flow from your eyes

it still hasn't stopped flowing

even now that i brought you home

even now when we've made you smile

even now that we've all embraced you

found unwanted help for you..

but all you ever wanted was him

..i want to take you someplace

please

take my hand

and trust me;

we're going on an adventure

let me take you to the park

with the fenced off reservoir and the lines of too tall trees

the one we didn't always avoid

let me remind you that it made us stronger in the worst way

let me remind you of the smiles that live on the soft breeze

next, let me take you to the swings

the place where too many memories invade your mind

let me remind you what you gained from the good times

let it set in that they indeed ended

but they will not discontinue

remember that you can see the sunrise sooner when enjoying the height of your swing

but also remember the the sun still rises when you remain at the bottom

then let's drive through the twists and turns of our summer home with the windows down

with the breezes, bugs and leaves flying past the window

let's slide down the frozen rocks and swim in the lake as if it were summer again

let's camp on the river side before the bend and dance around the fire till we can no longer stand

and when we lie down to watch the sparkling night

look around

see the dimly lit faces around us

see your sister who's out serving

see your brother who's still learning

your parents whose eyes are only filled with love and fear that they will lose you

and please turn your head my way darling

please don't forget me

I don't ever want to lose YOU

..ever..

maybe i'm not yours, but your my best friend

you've kept me smiling from being friendless in preschool

to feeling alone in elementary school

even till today

when all i need is some love

i love you dear

i love you more than anything

and i know your hurting

and i know its all surreal

but please

darling, please promise me

let me take you someplace

anyplace you want

and hold my hand

hold it tight

please don't let go

I can't lose you too..

~JQP

the day we saw Nelson cry

Most of us came to school sober
not all
Most of us read the posts
but not all..because sometimes it hurts to cry

It was cold today. And it snowed last night.
But that's not why my skin was paled by goosebumps
Why my hands couldn't stop shaking



Last night words like 'passed on' and 'better place' 
echoed through the streets of paris
But they resonated someplace else
they resonated in the fasts of every Mormon
in the hearts of every mother
in the halls of the seminary
in the sticky notes that cover your lockers
in the message that he read aloud in class

the one that not even he could read straight through..
The tears fell out of his eyes, involuntarily, as water glossed my own
we could all feel it
the jock from the back of the classroom with the box of tissues..
we felt that too
yet the drops had already soiled his paper

no one knew what to say
....no one knew what to say
We logged on our computers with weights in our stomachs
no one wanted to say it
I wanted to go over and hug him 
I wanted things to be okay..

But students don't hug their teachers



Silence was the invader who took over Lone Peak

his twitter gave too many hints 
....but it wasn't obvious to any of us..
he is a good kid
a gentleman
He made even my little sister smile when he called her pretty
That last day that he walked these halls
I want to tell him thank you.

but he's gone..
And I know I shouldn't dwell on this
I didn't even know him 
But I knew a few things

His heart was good..no
His heart is good.

that won't be forgotten.


The tears come down in streams as I drive
I drive past the high school
I drive past the cemetery
there's a van there now...
I wonder..

The tears keep steaming

they pool under my chin
they stain the pages of my notebook 

I don't really have best friends to turn to right now
Its hard to explain.
and i don't want to go home 
and I'm sitting here in my car
I'm trying to find hope

and I didn't want to make this sad


But its far too late for that.

We felt him there at school today
and our hearts broke
And please don't lose hope
And please, if you have- don't give up
But if you've done that
Just come here, love.
let me hold you in my arms
Because I won't let you go.
Because I need someone's arms around me too
and as for the unnamed tragedy

I wrote you a note:

Dear SUICIDE,

i  hate  you.  i  hate  that

you  took  my  brother away.

i  hate  that you  took  her

cousin  away.  i  hate  that

you took her uncle as  well.

but most  of all i hate that

you  have such a long  list 

of  almosts. that you almost

took two of my best friends.

my little sister. myself....

that's all

Sincerely~ JANE

and as for Nelson, 

and all the people who had the courage to come to school today,

even through your tears.

you have my love.

you have my heart.

I know that i have always been a closet crier

but you have shown me that

sometimes

its better to cry where its makes you completely vulnerable

when even though you feel alone

you quickly learn you're not the only one

who cares.

~JQP

can you feel the thunder?

Hey :)

How are you?

I hope good.

No? Anything I can do for you?

Hmm...

You remind me of him

He is someone who loves

Me

But I don't know if he really understands

How much I want to help.

How much I really care.

It throws me back to the first time 

The first time I felt you there

We both look stupid, being here

Not knowing the other

Not knowing ourselves

Not realizing where we are

There's a feeling in the air tonight

The birds aren't flying

The winds not blowing

The the air cuts my breath like ice

But there's warmth.

Warmth in the sun rolling over the mountain

Warmth in the quiet smile you gave me

Even in the dissuading, approaching storm

Do you see it? Can you feel it?

I know you hear me

You show it in your eyes

Those eyes that lead me

And then it starts to rain.

Do you like the rain?

I hope so

Because the rain is my haven

The rain hides my tears

The rain gave me laughter

The rain gave me dance

The rain took my fears

But the rain doesn't touch us

The rain stays away

Circling us

But never to cleanse our skin

The storm was forbidden to touch

It wasn't meant to see my heart

Because that was the first

And last time you would see it

Because you're gone

Gone far far far away

And somehow I took my heart with me

I took it and I drove away too

But I want the storm back

I want it far more than you know

..You wanted me more than anyone 

But you left me like I was nothing

You didn't put up a fight

You never texted back

You never replied to the seen messages on Facebook

And I don't understand why

Because you had me convinced that you cared

That you wanted to help

That I was beautiful

And that you felt the thunder.

But I guess that was only me

Its only ever me

But the rain is still drizzling

And the clouds still surround me

But my tears aren't hidden.

And its clear to see you never felt it.

Because you only ever saw the exotic lightning 

You only listened halfheartedly

And when the storm left your view

You even forgot that.

And you remind me of him

....and I just wish he understood when I asked him

"can you feel the thunder?" 

because maybe, just maybe, he would answer yes.

But  I doubt it.

I can feel the fear in his eyes

when he looks at me

....Because neither of us want a broken heart.
But I promise, I'll do my best not to break yours
and i'm just as scared as you are;
if not more..
But one things for sure,
Now that you're here and you're reading this

If you're actually listening,
You'll feel the thunder.
And even if you drive away
You'll remember.

~JQP