before I got old

In 2 days I will have spent my 56,764,800th second on this planet
And I guess you could say that every second counts, but that's not me
In the 6,570 days that I've lived
In the 17 breaths I take each minute
In the words that I've said
And the things that I've done
I have not been able to tell you who I really am
And now they tell me that I'm supposed to know
That I must have opinions and a large vocabulary
And the Mayor even wants me to vote. So I will:
I vote not.

With these past 6 years of not having recess
All they tell me is how I should think
What I should know 
And how I should use it
After 12 years of having to ask if I could use the bathroom they now expect me to choose what I will be for the next 80 years of my life
But how can I choose what I'm too be when I'm not even sure who I am?

I'm limited to what I know, but here's a few things that I am sure of
I wasn't made for a fairy tale story to ooze from the pages of my book
I wasn't made for pink nail polish and white teeth or brushing my hair in the morning
I'm not the kind who sits quietly in class and respects every teacher like a good student
I'm not the high school dropout or the homecoming Queen kind of girl
I wasn't made for text books and math problems or large words in all of your literacy
I wasn't made for basketball as some might think or volleyball or any sport beside soccer for that matter-and I was hardly made for that
I wasn't made for lead roles in plays or solos in recitals; even though I try to be
I want made for popularity or social media or highschool love
I wasn't made for any of that

Me? I was made for tragic story lines like Nicholas Sparks books
I was made for blistered fingers and black ink pens and empty leather bound journals
I was made for dancing in the rain and dancing through the pain and raindrops on my tongue
I'm the kind who listens to your problems because my heart always beat for someone else
I'm the girl who feels prettier in sweaters than in prom dresses and is more intrigued by the boy who doesn't laugh at my jokes than the one who hangs on my every word
I was made for heartfelt hugs and endless 'I love you's
I was made for dirty rooms and teddy bears and night lights
I was made for summer nights under the stars
In a canopy of pines, for snow angels and mud holes and long sweaty hikes that leave me panting
My feet were made to keep kicking and my hands were made to love
My eyes were to remain blind to judgment and my heart was made big- so I could never stop loving
No matter how hard I tried

And maybe this is me-maybe I've figured it all out
JUST MAYBE after 18 years of existing
I found myself, and found what I'm living for
But I've still got 48 hours to figure it out
48 hours till they dub me 'adult'
Because in 2 days I will have spent my 56,764,800th seconds on this planet
But I have a feeling it's gonna feel like my first

~AA