Wednesday, September 16, 2015

letters in subconscious

dear mr. hazel eyes,

your fingertips on my side always made me shiver
but darling you should have told me that your hands were made of ice

summer came and every part of you melted away
claims you staked, promises you made
everything you said
puddled on the floor, seeping into my shoes
every step i take reminding me of you

my dear heartbroken painter,

desperation filled my lungs in hurried prayers
tears seeped down my cheeks because i knew you wouldn't stop there
"my paint brush is a razor. my canvas is my skin. my paint is my blood. a pretty picture."
dear god please take her pain, please make me suffer 
if i could change one thing about you love, it would be your vision
because if you could see what i see
you would realize that god filled your life with much more beautiful paintings.

for the boy that loved me first,

love, i miss your sparkling blue eyes
i never told you all that i wanted to say
that you changed my life
that the care and devotion you showed 
it made me who i am.

i'll never know why you cared even when i made you cry.
thank you for not giving up on me.

dear ms. disney,

you are a true diamond.
perfect at every point, transparent, unbreakable
your eyes shine and your smile is a light
and i wish you were here..

i guess i should have seen this coming
diamonds are precious and you've chosen to whom you will belong
but love, i miss you
but he is good. and i don't want to be the the silver between you and his fingers

my darling valentine,

i'm sorry i didn't keep contact

love, you are a tulip in a field of wild flowers
and you're pristine and perfect and completely sensible
but i was never looking for a tulip, and i'm sorry
please know you deserve much better than me

you'll always be a genius in my eyes

for the boy who grew a beard,

you caught me in between depression and a really bad day and i'm sorry i left you in the dark without even a night light
dear, we found each other on a path right before a fork, and not knowing you'd turn left I promised to stand by
but love, i was headed right, and I didn't get the chance to say goodbye..

hey brown eyes,

you really screwed me up you know
your eyelashes got tangled in my heartstrings and now i'm not sure i'll ever get them completely out
i have your words written in black ink and your bruises written with blue
and love, i'm not sure who broke the promises first
but I'm quite sure it was you.

to elder freckles and red hair,

i don't know why it was important that i know you
you give me anxiety and we don't even talk
you actually have me convinced that i bug you and that i shouldn't have believed a single word you said

and the problem is, is i just wish you would prove me wrong

for the girl who's heard me sob,

i think i broke my promise
again..
but love i didn't try to
dear I was doing my best but i felt so alone in the effort
i want to be there and trust and listen, but love i can't seem to find just how to do it

but i haven't given up yet, so hold tight spider monkey

for the little blonde girl,

dear, you have a roller coaster in your heart that goes through the motions without any passengers on board
i'm sorry you feel so alone
you told me that you're shutting down the ride and that someday you'll continue it again, but right now's just not a good time

it makes sense.
but don't give up just because he got inside your head.

another thing: tighten your scarf and put on your gloves, dear
its sweater season, and I don't need you getting sick too






and please, just one last thing for all of you,
i love you and you mean something to me. i'm sorry for the pain i've cause and the problems i can't solve. i truly believe in you and i know you'll do great things. thanks for being there for me. please don't forget me. and if nothing else; stay strong.







~JQP

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