December 23rd, 2014

once there was a boy
who believed he could stain my eyes with inspiration and admiration
he painted my skies with acceptance and care and endless "i love you"s
telling me everyday how lucky he was to have someone like me in his life
someone exactly like him
he filled my days with teddy-bear-hugs and laughter
and his memory smelled like lemon trees and high school dance floors

once there was a boy
who believed that the only true genuinity was in consistency
he saw me for my weakest days and ordered a long list of apologies to my door when he decided that i was no longer worth the effort.
never exchanging more than a few words; always from his mind, never his heart.
he saw me as over-the-top and fake
his memory tasted like bitter salt tears and empty, cold night air

once there was a girl
who believed that people were kind and that three short words would never come insincere
and she met a boy
a boy who cherished her mind and her smiles until the forecast called for rain and she lost her hold on reality
she found herself at a wall with no grip and no way out
and he left her there
parting with clouds in his eyes that would never rain nor clear
and when she finally found her way back
the clouds left her disfigured and hardly even there

and darling, i could lay out his flaws on the table like a deck of cards
telling you just how each suit defined his beating heart
but it would all feel like a lie
and maybe its because the lingering stains in my eyes..

but i still see you as kind

love i know you aren't listening and that desperate apologies will never soften your heart
and dear you sent me your apologies but they were signed by the teacher with red pen grading marks, because we both know your guilt-ridden paper wasn't really for me
and i promise your words cut me deeper when penned in "sorry"s you'll never mean and "i love you"s borrowed from a lost memory

call me over dramatic.
never talk to me again.
my heart broke enough the first time-go
break it again.
know it wont change the fact that i still care
and tears still come--
all from my shattered, beating heart

sincerely,

      the girl who meant something to you

~JQP