Once Upon a Time, life was ordinary

I wake up
I feel okay
Of course that's the usual for me

Waking up has never been my thing

I get out of bed
I apply my mask in the mirror
Then prepare the smile I will wear today

Thats as good as its going to get

I'm running late--
As always
And as I walk through the thick judgement of entering after the almighty bell
Out of the corner of my eye..
I see them
Play by play

A boy laughs at a friend across the room
The friend returns the chuckle
The first friend signals to the other
"I'm so bored, I could hang myself"
Synching the rope above his head
Falling limp.








They kept laughing..


I wish I could laugh too

But a nostalgic silence collapses my lungs
My breath deceased
My heart excelling
my eyes dark.

I see the traffic slow and witness the stillness of the world the moment she repeated her mumbled phrase the third time.

"Jake hung himself.."


Her hands went straight to her eyes where life was so far gone not even a tear could escape. My reality froze as I sat numb in the back seat. My thoughts echoing in her voice and stinging my ears as actuality invades my mind.

no..

No.

NO!!

I remember.

I remember her meeting him

Her telling us all how he was the one

Her bringing him home for the holidays

I remember him meeting our family

Him telling us we we very immature

Him showing us how good we really were

Him accepting us singing to the radio-- without interrupting

I remember me and him 

Me camping with him

Me receiving help from him and discovering

Me singing on Thanksgiving, and him singing about the parking lot party

Me not remembering ever saying a proper goodbye

He was my brother.
I swear he was around my entire life.
But the two years we had him were not enough.
He took the liberty to leave..




I sit in my chair in class
Pale from the memories
Disconnected to any conversation
Eyes watering as I hear the echo's of their laughter

My imagination is set free once again

I see the trees
I see him numb
I see them question him
I see his lie presented flawlessly
I see the rope
I feel his shaky hands
I feel the bark beneath them
I feel the twine embrace my neck




He falls


And with him
Her heart
My tears
These words


And every ordinary day 
I once believed in

~JQP