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(Irrelevant by Lauren Aquilina)
To him.
You've always told me how I saved your life. We met and exchanged numbers, but what I didn't know is that you had severe depression. And your deadline was in 7 days.. you have no idea how happy I was to know I gave you the gift of procrastination.
We were best friends and you told me everything. We loved each other in an inescapable way. Basically family. And that's why I wasn't allowed to love you differently. But I have bad habits, so I loved differently anyway.
My best friend came into the picture and it seems the 'best friends brother' thing really intrigued her. And again, I have bad habits, so I told her she could have you. And you loved her. That hurt. Bad habits really do die hard.
You broke her heart, but her leaving broke you. Literally. You became as monotone as Mr. Hinton. Or rather, more so. And you never show any emotion anymore. I tell you I'm here for you. I promised I won't leave. I love you. And all I get is an 'I know'..
I won't leave. I know
I love you. I know
I promise. I know
I won't leave..
....I love you..
.. are you even there? I feel as though I'm talking to a computer.. Please, what's wrong? Just talk to me.. do you even care..?...
Please come back
... please..
You're hardly around anymore, the only emotion I get from you is when you talk of your unrequited love for her. The rest of the conversation only consists of one-word replies. You only have questions when they're about her. And all the answers to my questions circle my numbing body in 'I don't know's..
I'm sitting here wishing you would come back. I'd do anything to make you feel something, even if you hate me by the end.. It would be better than nothing....
"If I were dying, would you do everything or even anything to save me, or would you just cry because I was dying?"
"I don't know"
Do you even care anymore? There was a time when you pledged your life in place of mine. Now you don't even know?
They all tell me to let you go. And we both know I should. It would be best for me to turn away, run, and never look back....
And it hurts, because we both know
You won't even notice that I'm gone.
~JQP
I know how it feels to grow close to someone, and then because you screw up with one thing, LOVE, It all goes down the drain. Love is the most powerful force in the Universe. I has the power to help someone. It has the power to cleanse someone. It has the power to save someone. It has the power to make someone. Love is a power that we have all been given. The problem with us, is that we are still learning how to use it. Love is mysterious.
ReplyDeleteI hope your friend opens up their eyes, and sees that you are still there. This post was amazing! I loved it :)
This was powerful. So well written and so deep.
ReplyDeleteThis is an amazing post. Tears are streaming right now..
ReplyDeleteYour comment on my blog literally made my day. I deleted my post cause I got scared to post my fears. But I think I'll re post it tomorrow because of your comment. It truly meant a lot to me. I also just read all of your posts and they are wonderful. This one is so deep and my boyfriend/best friend has depression and I can totally relate!! Thanks for writing this really. "I crave your smile more than nutella." #stolen.
ReplyDeleteNo problem, and thank you, for re posting. Literally that post is one of my favorites. And I don't know how you found time to read all my posts (if you really did..whoa. Respect), let alone stay invested, but thank you. So much.
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