Fresh cut 1AM air

It's late and I can feel the desert forming in my tired eyes

Pure 1am air is blowing straight into my face and I'm breathing it in
The thoughts release as insecurities infect my heart and seep into my mind

I realized today that after you..
I never told anyone the complete truth.
You downplayed my greatest vulnerability and forgot every secret I ever whispered in your ear

And the hardest part is I still remember everything about you..

Your favorite color is blue and above all else you want a ninja motorcycle
You actually love theater, but when your girlfriends ask it's only for your mom
Your all-time favorite feeling is the applause after a perfect performance and your favorite gift on your birthday was the poem I wrote you that proved that I really was listening..

And you used to remember my birthday but when I turned 18 the only thing you remembered is you were glad you weren't going to preference..

I realized that I still think about you
Not like I used to; with rose tinted glasses and daydreams in my heart
But with longing for prying words and determined questions
With memories of hugs and hands that were steady and held me close

I catch myself thinking back on promises and worried tears
Testimonies and ever changing fears
I remember when you were upset with me because I stopped trying to stay close
I remember telling you how I almost left for good and you realized you weren't a good friend for me..

And the thoughts keep streaming and my pulse keeps breaking and I hope I'm mistaking the sudden need for you to be back in my life

It's 1:04 and the wind's died down but you're still on my mind.

I realized that you were the last one who really knew me

The one who knew the difference between '..' and '....'
You were the last one I felt I would never run out of things to talk about with
The boy who knew what made me happy and what made me mad
The one who promised 'always' and 'love' and 'I would never hurt you's

You're also the boy who walked away
Who stopped caring if I'd died or if I cried or if I lied to say I was 'alright'

And I wish you would just get out of my head
But you called me the other day and somehow the words of longing slipped my lips
And maybe I don't remember them, but I know they came
Because you mirrored my longing
And I'm not sure if I wanted it that way..

~JQP