and the world keeps spinning

hidden behind walls of broken hearts and timid hellos
bruises and scars replacing the skin of my fragile chest
surrounded by stories of crippled promises and tired pulses
too many years of tangled hair and defective conversations

stuck wishing i never felt your touch
telling myself it couldn't've been you
it shouldn't have been you

fractured glass always made for a pretty picture but picking up each individual piece left me wondering why i never noticed how broken the windows of my heart had truly become
i have cuts from the sharpest lies and splinters from the parts of you i just cant forget
and looking in; everything is black and blue
remembering impulse syncing with your pulse turning to repulse just in time to watch me leave

wasting every 11:11 and shooting star on wishing for love when i should've been wishing that when it was all over, i could forget your name

flashbacks to when you told me he wasn't good for me
but everything you never told me
everything you thought i'd never know
looking in your eyes as unexplained answers flow from your mouth
all i see is him
the mirrors in his eyes
the bruises beyond his lips
the daggers in his tongue
the barricades in his ears and the magnets in his fingers

you have me frozen as your actions trace the fragile frame he left behind
one breath would be strong enough to blow me over
but dear, you left
and time numbs the pain
and i walked away

walls may keep me contained for a little while, but the windows are broken and i can taste the fresh air on my tongue
my skin is healing and everyday i take another step
refusing to look back

and don't bother offering another hello, love
i already said goodbye
and i closed the gate behind me.

~JQP

i like long titles and his poetry

he wasn't any sort of typical.

he was black balloons on a sunny day

and flowers in the winter

meeting him was like orange juice for dinner

but darling that didn't turn me away

surprised, i was when she said my name
under my collar felt like a flame
for the first time in a long time
someone saw this broken wolf as tame

maybe we weren't supposed to be friends and maybe we couldn't hold on

and maybe fate has unending red marks from face-palms and a head ache from yelling "wrong way"

but darling that didn't turn me away

like the grinch, my heart grew three sizes that day
her sweet voice was always there to sway disarray

talking to you was like fresh water on a hike

it was new and had my full attention

it was innocence and unopened doors

it was culture shock and an interested tourist

enticing and overwhelming

and completely unnecessary

seeing more than most, she knew just the tip of the iceberg
like a ghost; i was transparent to her

thinking you took my hand; you held my heart
trying to understand while in your arms

april 25, 2015
never did i tell her how she gleamed

jumping off cliffs never seemed this easy
but darling the bottom was just teasing

maybe you didn't catch me, but i never hit the ground
i don't know where i landed
but the fall is over now

radiant, warm, absolutely lovely
it must have been a dream

looking up i see your eyes and miss the sensation of butterflies and, love, it isn't a disguise

aa 
dtg

what used to be gravity now feels like a string attached to my heart
it doesn't bother me, but the feeling has my thoughts
i don't know where i am or where we left off
but darling, it wasn't a dream, and we aren't completely lost

JQP

Headaches and heartstrings

movies

                         books

 parks

    cars

school hall ways                   

                                         kitchens

doorsteps

dance floors

beaches 

                look out points

pictures                        

    poems

streets            

rainy days

theaters                                                        

my world is your stage and i'm sick of your spot light

i take it back

i'm sick of you

you've snuggled up in every nook in my mind

all you have to do is whisper

and i get chills

my stomachs twisting when i see you in the street

my eyes long to stare but i don't want you to see how badly i long for you

when you were untouchable life was much easier

but you've been so nearly mine that it's hard to resist the chase

i can feel your name on my lips

i can taste the freedom past the thickened air between us

but darling--

i cant take you

i won't take you

i'm scared that i'll do you no justice

i'm scared i'll be lost in your wake

that it's too late to even try now

that i should've taken you the first chance i got..

but i still want you

i still want you

you give me butterflies when you breathe in

you keep my mind racing all hours of the night

you have me forgetting what i'm doing

and remembering what we've done

dancing on bridges

wading in lakes

shooting but only ever hitting the rim

and dear you were almost mine..

but i won't take you

no

i won't make you

and now i can't have you.

maybe we'll try again in 18 thousand hours

but for now, please just leave the stage

i don't need to see you every time i open my eyes

i promise i'll still want you

but for now, adieu

JQP

365 days

it's been 365 days since you drove away
365 days since i saw you smile
365 days since the goodbye that ended without any good left....

i'm glad your gone.
one less story to hear.
one less friend to turn.
one less goodbye i had to make.


but my heart still fights to hear your voice
it wont accept your goodbye and it keeps me chained with lightning storms and wooden benches

it remembers you
it remembers your family
it remembers your steady words
it remembers being heard
it remembers being cared for



dear heart,

forget it! shut up and let go! 


he's not coming back to keep his promises.
it doesn't matter if he's the only one who cared
it doesn't matter how he smiled or how he made you laugh, because in the end, it was only a joke.
he's never coming back




it doesn't matter anymore.
he forgot your name months ago.

and don't keep blaming yourself.
you know he left for himself

he never really cared

you didn't need to care, or worry, or wonder.
he left
it was him
i promise it was him

he thought you were beautiful
but we both know he only saw your temporary beauty


it was all just a game for him
a dare from the back corner table.

i'm sorry i was naive enough to let you trust him


~AA



i wish i forgot your name like you did, mine

i wish my memory didn't hold 365 days of wishing for a single reply


i found your texts the other day
and the picture you wanted to see

and i wrote about you, but i saved it in my drafts

because i don't think you would have read it anyway,
because i don't believe you care



but i do.
so this is for me
to forgetting your fiery crimson hair and your iced sapphire eyes drawing poison from your heart
to erasing an innocent little sister and a rebellious older brother and the pain i could see in your smile
to always seeing that park bench that holds our secrets in its grain as i drive by
to the best disney movies and for the rain and the rocketship
to the light in my eyes and the phone calls home
for that last night
when i saw you drive away with flashing red and blue lights

and to you..


i hope you're happy
i hope you make others smile and bring them the laughter you gave me
i hope you teach them hope, and about god-because the way you know him makes it easy to believe
i hope you have the grandest adventures and that you never lose your love for jukebox hero
i'm sorry for the late night texts
and for wanting to fix things
i wish you the best




and if you could
answer me this

did you ever really hear me?

~JQP

culture shock

tracing cobblestone streets with worn out shoes at 2am

finding the perfect hot chocolate at a corner cafe

tasting pastries with the euros i don't have

a penniless poet

avoiding the Eiffel tower because tourists send pricks down my spine

Paris was never what we thought it could be

the city of love 

la Ville Lumière

croissants and luxury

terraces and park picnics

minds in the clouds as bodies walk off the plane

and the clouds are endless--everyone smokes here

i hope you're ready for lung cancer

so you came here to be a poet?

breathe in the smoke darling.

poetry is toxic and beautiful 

and get ready to choke--your words will never compete with theirs

its only your third day in, and you feel like they bribed the publisher

..favorites can be changed..

keep telling yourself that.

two weeks and you're always coughing

still trying to find a small apartment near your favorite cafe

looking for the Eiffel tower and forgetting why you came

tourists weren't meant to stay, love.

this city isn't for romancing your mind

so take a rain check for falling in love and check into the nearest motel

find the cheapest cafe and the smallest room in the city

maybe the street's crowded, but there's bound to be someone who saw your heart spilled out on these pages

its your fifth month here and you've made a friend or two

you still don't sleep well, but the moonlight was always your inspiration

you keep in touch with the waiters at your favorite cafe and they know your regular and your heart

avoiding the Eiffel tower because tourists send pricks down your spine

thinking back, still scared to know you were one

people move in and out of the complex but you've found a terrace house down the street from the cafe and don't really mind the constant changing of neighbors, only because you know who the real residents are now

neighborhood-known poet and in love with the city of fears you faced and mirrors replaced

a city of broken love

a city of new light

constant changes and nights of hunger--

a city that whispers hope into your steps

welcome to paris, darling.

welcome home.

the publisher

~JQP

meet me in the constellations

you've been collecting dust on the shelf next to my bed and i'm so accustomed to seeing you there that i almost forgot my addiction to your messy, hand-written pages

life has caught me at red lights and back roads and i avoid freeways at all costs because it reminds me of painted sunsets and how pens only ever hovered above our pages; never finishing anticipated sentences

i picked up a paint brush the other day and i started to paint the galaxies but it wasn't the same without your hand directing mine

and my fingertips were anxious so i put down the paint brush and dipped my hands in blue

i grazed the canvas and painted your eyes, it didn't quite feel right until i started to paint mine along side them

i painted crimson galaxies; misting the stars that danced on my eyelashes, tracing gold on the tops of our eyelids 

dreaming a lilac haze that covered the bags under your eyes and silver lights that drown out reality as the moon sent its beacon through your gaze

but darling you weren't looking at me

i let the stars set their constellations in the gloss of my eyes and i dreamt up a universe where your heart was only a distant moon on the horizon 

there were endless mountains and infinite dirt trails

and i fell in love with waterfalls and my mud covered face because nature stole my sight and tangled its vines in my veins 

i woke up with the planets above my head and your heartbeat in my ear, and dear i wish it were a surprise but i knew you'd be here

i climbed out of my blanket and your sleeping arms and i grabbed that book on the shelf next to my bed

i dusted off the cover and sat underneath the starlit window opening the curtain to the past

i drank up the words, consuming page after page, reminiscing in night air and dried tears

dropping the book 

lying on the floor, open to illegible ink stains and unforgettable memories 

scenes playing out in front of me as i leaned up against the wall with the wind blowing the pages past breaking points and nights by your side

and dear, your still lying on the couch with closed eyes

naive

unaware

dreaming of light dancing on ocean waves that drown out any memory of me

darling, when you wake up; your shoes are by the door, your keys are in the ignition, 50 dollars in the console and a map to your dreams inside the book on the passenger seat

and tho its hard to read, i know you'll remember my painting and realize just where it leads

don't forget the hazel eyes that linger in the mountains, i hope i always meet your gaze staring out at sea

meet me in the constellations, love, i'll see you in my dreams 

~JQP

∆

i wish you were only a dream

so i could wake up and forget you as soon as i'd remembered your existence

why, oh why, did you have to be a nightmare?

~JQP