Fine print

Your heart beats gold in a sea of blue
With fine print inked throughout every vein;
There are contradictions in your mind but assurity pumping in your heart, everything flowing as if planned from the start

May pain escape expression
But draw bruises and scars from 2pt font streaming from black ink pens
Maybe looking like you have everything planned out
But home and heart working harder to try and steady the beats

I can't figure you out you know
Always with a friend by your side but eyes somewhat hollow
A smile on your lips and laughter will shortly follow
But when you sat down with a pen in hand
It was a different world before you'd look up
As if there was a world to escape above

Green words to gray words to white words, but always black ink on white pages
Perfect poetry, perfect boy

But I've found that if you read the fine print- there are imperfections
Cares and worries and broken hearts
Deeper than the hollow eyes and more firm than  his hard set jaw
Strength
Steady breaths
Long nights, but new mornings

Hope is on the horizon
And I can see it growing in your eyes

You carry it in your stride

A living courage lining every bone
Because its hard to let go
And the cobblestone road is cracking with every step
But courage will take you home
Courage will take you home and light a path along the way
I know because I followed that light every single day

And I learn a little more every step I take, and maybe I'll never catch up
But I won't stop
The light is too beautiful to try and step away

Your light, Isaac

Its inside, and who you are, and who you're becoming

Its courage and tears and always moving forward

Thanks for letting me follow along

~aa

Empty

You took it and you never gave it back
You held it in your arms and let it show you the light it saw in your eyes
You danced with it and teased it and scared it half to death as if it were your own
And darling I don't know what changed

I saw you burry it in the yard and draw black circles around each imperfection as if to bruise its delicate surface
You whispered lies to penetrate its surface and then you let it drown in your backyard swimming pool

And now my chest is empty
My veins run dry
And all that I feel is the chlorine water running down my cheeks

~JQP

Fossil heart

Darling, to a city boy like you I'm nothing more than a fossil beneath city lights

disregarded
glossed over
hidden
inconspicuous
neglected
overlooked
passed by
pushed aside
secret
unconsidered
undiscovered
unheeded
unobserved
unobtrusive
unperceived
unrecognized
unremarked
unremembered
unrespected
unseen

Invisible.

You and I both know you never took the time to study the past beneath your feet

~my fossil heart

Almost

I almost told Mr Brooks that I should've failed his class in 8th grade because he gave me credit for something I didn't do

I almost sang the song I wrote for the baseball shortstop before he told me he was in love with Whitney Rovig

I almost didn't quit soccer because I though my family would think I'm a wuss

I almost told Brian Erickson that I've liked him since the 8th grade AND that I still do

I almost purposefully drove my car off the road at least 7 times my senior year

I almost visit your grave everyday

I almost kissed my best friends boyfriend when he leaned in and I was mad at her

I almost actually read some of the books I was assigned in all of my English classes

I almost told Ms G that she is overly prideful and completely childish

I almost resigned from my sisterhood and told them that they were never a real family

I almost wrote you a letter telling you that I couldn't forget you; that it hurt that you'd forgotten me

I almost wrote a blog post yesterday

I almost wrote you a song

I almost fell for you while I was awake

I almost let the confusion plant itself inside of me

I almost want to trust someone with everything that's wrong

I almost want to give up

I almost called you back to tell you I'm sorry

I almost opened your letter from last year saying that you were sorry

And I almost wish I hadn't let go

Almost.

~JQP

One year.

Darling I can feel the stillness in your breath
She saw your uneasy smile and mistook it for a long day.. she didn't know it was the smile of a dimming light
The glint of the sunset reflected off an angels hair and the last glimpse of blue sky was in your eyes
And dear I didn't want to look away

One year
One soul
One broken hope
Too many broken hearts
Too many long nights

We miss you. We are trying not to give up. We won't forget.

One year

You were never alone.
We love you
We will fight back
We will fight on
Depression will be beat.

One year, darling.

We miss you Hunter

Rest in peace

on se reverra bientôt

It was never a class

It was the reason I came to school most days

It was never a grade

It was my hold on reality because all I wanted was to let go

He was never just a teacher

He was the one man who let us be ourselves and feel good about it

And I wasn't there for the Eiffel tower

All I needed was the people

And maybe I didn't smoke or drink coffee

But I was still noticed, and that, I will never forget

I was looking at the commons tonight-- they weren't as daunting with the new cool kids. And I saw the MC on stage and it was like I was living in my memories

I'll always love your cobblestone streets

And I'll never regret choking on the endless clouds of angst

Nostalgia is still my favorite word.

xoxo,

Paris alumni, Jane Q Porter

P.S. I hope one day I'll fall for you again, paris

December 23rd, 2014

once there was a boy
who believed he could stain my eyes with inspiration and admiration
he painted my skies with acceptance and care and endless "i love you"s
telling me everyday how lucky he was to have someone like me in his life
someone exactly like him
he filled my days with teddy-bear-hugs and laughter
and his memory smelled like lemon trees and high school dance floors

once there was a boy
who believed that the only true genuinity was in consistency
he saw me for my weakest days and ordered a long list of apologies to my door when he decided that i was no longer worth the effort.
never exchanging more than a few words; always from his mind, never his heart.
he saw me as over-the-top and fake
his memory tasted like bitter salt tears and empty, cold night air

once there was a girl
who believed that people were kind and that three short words would never come insincere
and she met a boy
a boy who cherished her mind and her smiles until the forecast called for rain and she lost her hold on reality
she found herself at a wall with no grip and no way out
and he left her there
parting with clouds in his eyes that would never rain nor clear
and when she finally found her way back
the clouds left her disfigured and hardly even there

and darling, i could lay out his flaws on the table like a deck of cards
telling you just how each suit defined his beating heart
but it would all feel like a lie
and maybe its because the lingering stains in my eyes..

but i still see you as kind

love i know you aren't listening and that desperate apologies will never soften your heart
and dear you sent me your apologies but they were signed by the teacher with red pen grading marks, because we both know your guilt-ridden paper wasn't really for me
and i promise your words cut me deeper when penned in "sorry"s you'll never mean and "i love you"s borrowed from a lost memory

call me over dramatic.
never talk to me again.
my heart broke enough the first time-go
break it again.
know it wont change the fact that i still care
and tears still come--
all from my shattered, beating heart

sincerely,

      the girl who meant something to you

~JQP